The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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