Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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