i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
