glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
