he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
