Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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