I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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