"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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