Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
