Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
