I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
