someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My feet surprised me
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