I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
