I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
