Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
