I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
