Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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