her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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