If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to rekindle our bromance
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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