Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
