so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
