C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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