My friends, they love my intelligence
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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