When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
