sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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