oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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