Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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