he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
why is half of my head shaved?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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