From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
