how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
