u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
