Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
