Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Small penises have feelings too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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