i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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