garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
