i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
