I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it glows. i had to have it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
