forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
