i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
