She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
