And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
