it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
