I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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