Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
