last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have already put on my inside pants.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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