At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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