Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
