I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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