I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
