If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
